We need to start normalizing saying "no" without the obligation of justifying it. Being able to say the oh-so-terrible two letter word has a lot to do with how self aware we are and how available we are emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. Instead, somewhere along the way, we accepted a practice of saying "yes" at the expense of our own over-extension.
What does it mean to over-extend?
Over-extending, in its rawest form, implies exceeding the limits or boundaries you set for yourself.
Over-Extending Example:
Let's assume you're bumping up against maxing out your credit card this month. You have $100 to last you the rest of the week. One of your friends invites you to a weekend getaway that you know will cost you $300+. Doing some simply math (not to bore you)... if you went on the girl's weekend trip, you would over-extend yourself financially by $200.
How can over-extending impact you?
Over-extending can completely blow up a well thought out goal or plan in one-fell-swoop. It can cause you to:
Overspend Financially - leading to stunted savings and wealth development
Overcommit Your Time - causing you to lose out on valuable time with family, friends and *most importantly* yourself.
Fill Up Your Emotional Capacity - leaving little to no room for you to sort out your own mental clarity and health.
The FIRST step in preventing over-extension is...
Before we can even say "no", there is a significant task to complete - you need to set boundaries in various spaces of your life. Without having boundaries set, it is near impossible to (1) recognize the need to say "no" and (2) have the conviction to do so. Think of your boundaries as those baby bumpers a bowling alley puts up on a lane so your ball ALWAYS hits a pin. Not to get too metaphor-y... BUT equate knocking the pins down with achieving goals you set out for yourself. Boundaries (or baby bumpers) are what you set up in order to best position yourself for meeting those goals.
Goal / Boundary Example:
Your Goal: save $1,000 for an Emergency Fund this month
Possible Boundaries: eating at home during the week, 2 no-spend days a week, pause online shopping
How to say "no" in a non-cringe way:
Sure, there will be instances where you need to elaborate a bit on your "no". Ready for the magic formula?? Literally this works 99.9% of the time. Obviously adjust according to your situation.
"Wow, I really want to do (subject at hand) with you, but I need to (bring in your goal), so I'm not able to. I'm sure you can understand. That said, I'd love to do (offer an alternative that fits within your boundaries) instead.
Example Scenario:
Your friend just invited you to her bachelorette party in Cabo (a $1,200 expense). You're currently saving up for your first home. This party - simply put - is not a financial priority and exceeds the spending amount you feel comfortable with. Your response might look like:
"This sounds so fun Katie! I really want to celebrate you in Cabo, but I need to be saving up for the new house. I'm sure you can understand. That said, I definitely want to do something fun for you, so when you get back, let's do a spa day together."
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